November 9, 2010
Gobble, Gobble, Gobble....
November 9th: I am SO very thankful for good friends like Heidi Webber, who are always happy to help you out when you're in a pinch . I am also very thankful for screwdrivers, a tool that always comes in handy, especially when you're locked our of your own home.
November 8, 2010
Quote of the Day
"I'm not a Heigh-Ho Boy!"
~Lennon Kailee Sweet
This she adamantly stated, while crossing her arms forcefully and pouting, upon hearing her parents describe her attitude as being "grumpy".
Gobble, Gobble, Gobble....
November 8th: I am thankful for hot tea, with lemon and honey, and for the "Quiet Game". Though I am usually the only one playing.
November 7th: I am thankful for Dutch Babies and a man who makes them every Sunday just for me! : )
November 6, 2010
Bye-bye Baby Locks


I don't think any mother with a daughter enjoys the Battle of the Brush, the tug-o-war, the push and pull, the sheer terror of trying to comb/brush/style her toddler's hair. As much as I love long hair, especially on Lennon, the daily struggle, effort and tears had to finally come to an end. Too many times have I had to vice grip Lennon into a chair or onto my lap so that I could comb out boogers, applesauce, lollipops, rice, cheese, etc. So today Lennon got her first major hair cut.
I have mixed feelings about this rite of passage. I did not cry, though I wanted to at least once. I certainly did not want to be "that mom". But to see her beautiful, silky baby hair fall to the floor was a bit tragic. I felt like it was an end of an era, that I was shoving my daughter out of baby/toddlerhood. I can't help feeling like I have a big girl now, a completely different daughter. I even briefly thought: "Is my daughter now more stylish than me?" The unfortunate answer is yes. She's rocking the Suri Cruise bob in her skinny jeans and knee high, black boots. I think I may now need to up my game...
It was a fun drive home from the salon and Lennon couldn't wait to call her Mimi and spread the news of her hair cut. Of course in calling Mimi there ended up being ONE thing that was able to trump my feelings of melancholy and nostalgia brought on by Lennon's new 'do. Mimi kindly reminded me that in two very short months I will be a mother of a 3 year old. AHHHHHH!
Thanks Mom! Now I can't blame my complete lack of exercise on my carrying baby weight.
Gobble, Gobble, Gobble....
November 6th: I am so very thankful for lollipops. A treat for all ages!
November 5th: I am thankful for Nap Time AND Family Time, especially when you can conveniently combine both.
November 4, 2010
Gobble, Gobble, Gobble....
November 4th: I am thankful that I have a TV in my bedroom (though it doesn't get used often!) so that I can sleep in just a bit longer every now and again when Lennon wakes up way too early.
BONUS!!!: It is also a sure fire way for Lennon to cuddle with me---which she never seems to want to do, unless she's in Mommy and Daddy's bed. ; )
November 3, 2010
Gobble, Gobble, Gobble....
November 3rd: I am thankful that Josh stayed home today to nurse our sick daughter back to health, though he has proven to be a better stay-at-home Mommy than me. But at least I got some ME time/quality time with my extremely cute nephew, Wyatt.
Gobble, Gobble, Gobble....
It's that time of year again....Time to remember to count our blessings and be thankful that the Puritans exploited an entire race for their own selfish pursuits. On a brighter note: I will be trying my damnedest to post what I am thankful for each day of this month.
So here are my posts for November 1st and 2nd:
NOVEMBER 2nd: I am grateful for my independence and the freedom to choose. Get your vote on!
NOVEMBER 1st: I am thankful that Lady Gaga's vocal stylings can drown out toddler tantrums.
November 2, 2010
Catching Up Is Hard to Do....
Sweet Baby Jane! It's been over 2 months since my last blog post and I am sure no one has noticed but me. : ) Thank goodness I do not have any adoring fans that I must cater to with regular updates, entries, pictures, etc.
To jump start the sort-of-belated beginning of my favorite season----FALL!----let's take a look at those goals I posted for myself in June. Maybe I've been extremely efficient and busy these past four months and have been able to cross some all of my goals of my list.
- Getting over my "irrational" fear of ants. 1/2
- Mastering the art of gardening and tending that garden.
- Potty training Lennon. X
- Being a first time dog owner----which includes potty training a dog. X
- Whipping my ass into some semblance of a shape that doesn't resemble a dumpling.
- Reading and reading and reading and reading and reading some more. XX
- To get back to sketching and painting. 1/2
- Painting the trim and molding within the house.
- Painting the book shelves in the living room.
- To camp---and I mean really camp. No bathrooms, no showers, no air mattresses and absolutely no whining . 1/2
- To spend more time with friends that matter most to me.
- To put myself out there more and enjoy life.
- Oh! And establishing world peace.
- Getting over ants: I gave myself a 1/2 check due to the fact that I will never not be afraid of ants, nor will I ever enjoy them. However now when I discover ants in the house I do not hyperventilate or fall into hysterics. Instead I take a deep breath and make it my goal for the day to annihilate every ant in my vicinity. So that counts for something.
- Potty training Lennon: SUCCESS!! She is potty trained---at least my version of potty trained. We are in panties 24/7, have minimal accidents (usually prompted by not being able to take off our pants in time to make it to the potty), though she still occasionally needs help wiping, washing her hands and braving #2. But who doesn't?
- Being a first time dog owner: SUCCESS?? Well we certainly have a new member of the family and she is potty trained. We love her to death, though I sometimes wonder what the hell I was thinking. Don't we all?
- Reading...: A goal I can always make and will never fail! With school on the back burner again I will for sure have plenty more time to sneak in a book here and there.
- To get back to sketching and painting: I gave myself a 1/2 since I at least fished out all my materials and supplies from the attic and brought them downstairs. Having to go into our attic is no easy feat, so a half check is definitely warranted.
- To camp...: Well a 1/2 is given here since our summer camping trip was run afoul due to the weather and we had to modify our plans. Though we did go camping AND I didn't whine one bit AND I had a fabulous time. I may even weasel my way into getting invited to next years affair.
Though with a wedding a little less than a year away more lists will for sure come...
August 23, 2010
Mommy Guilt Monday
Mommy Guilt comes in many forms and this weekend I was reminded of that fact. What was supposed to be a casual night cap with our favorite neighbors turned awry when one Mommy (and I am not going to name names) decided to partake in a little Malibu rum cocktail after more than her fair share of beer. Now this one cocktail seemed like a good idea at the time (Don't they all?), but on further inspection after going home it was in fact a very, very, very, bad idea.
As her partner lay down for a good night's rest this Mommy preceded to get the spins as visions of seeing her own mother three sheets to the wind when she was about ten years old danced through her head. Since this Mommy is no longer as young as she used to be she knew that a preemptive strike was needed: a helpful nudge to the toilet bowl, a good teeth brushing, a nice hot shower and a glass of water with a side of Excedrin. Sadly, this is no longer the cure for a twenty-five year old's body.
As 11am rolled around the following morning it was blatantly obvious that all weekend goals of deep cleaning the house were out the window. But lo and behold who was as fresh as a daisy accomplishing her goals? That man she shares her bed with, who only got about three to four hours of sleep. There he was scrubbing the kitchen, sink and all, finishing up a nice full breakfast with their daughter, with the laundry machine whirring pleasantly in the background. Did he stop there? Nope. He had a very productive afternoon taking care of business while this Mommy lay curled up on the couch cursing that bottle of Malibu rum, while watching cheesy 80s and early 90s movies on cable.
Can't a woman nurse her hangover without feeling like a complete lazy piece as her family upstages her? Mommy Guilt Mission Complete.
August 10, 2010
Mommy Guilt Tuesday...Cause Monday Came and Went Too Fast
My life reeks of urine and peanut butter.
The adventures of Mommyhood never cease to amaze me. I sometimes wonder whether or not I am cut out for this gig, especially on the days when the smell of toddler AND puppy urine seem to permeate every bit of my house and every piece of my clothing. Oh! And let us not forget the peanut butter, which seems to be found in the most random of places. I sometimes wonder if Lennon truly is saving some for later. Yes, today is one of those days.
So, should I feel guilty that I am not cleaning my house quickly enough to waft away those malodorous stenches? Or...should I feel guilty that I have made the conscious choice to potty train my toddler and my puppy at the same time? Either way they're both going on the list of offences I've made since becoming a mother.
I wonder if they make a pill for Mommy Guilt?*
* I do have to say that I thank my lucky stars that the good days still out number the rough ones. In which case I'm a better Mommy than I give myself credit for. It's a vicious cycle. : )
June 27, 2010
I Must Be Crazy! or What Were We Thinking?

Josh and I have always wanted a dog. In fact, before we found out we were pregnant with Lennon we were discussing getting a dog or going on a trip to Disneyland. Both plans were put on hold once that stick turned blue. Or was it pink? Either way, the puppy had to wait as we adjusted to becoming parents. Well now that we are parents of a toddler it seemed like the perfect time to revisit those two previous discussions, and the puppy idea won out. Are we crazy? Probably.
Just like preparing for a new human infant, so must you prepare for a new canine infant--and you are never quite as prepared as you think you are for either. Ember has only been under our care for one evening and one full day and I am already beside myself with worry that I will screw her up and not be the best dog owner I can be. Could this be transference? In this short amount of time I have already wracked up more Mommy guilt and gotten a taste of what sibling rivalry may be like.
Lennon loves her puppy just as she would a new brother or sister: when it's convenient for her. Josh and I knew that this was a possibility and we knew that living with two strong willed toddlers would be a challenge. The fact that this would be obviously evident in just a day and a half was not what I was expecting, and now I am fearful for the week ahead.
When I imagined bringing a dog into our family I imagined a Norman Rockwell type picture: a Mommy and a Daddy constantly working together to train, feed, and clean up after the little ball of fur as the young Daughter becomes ever the angelic little helper. As Sunday nears its end I am faced with the harsh reality: I have signed up for 10 1/2 hours, 5 days a week, of serious alone time with two consistently needy, whining and vulnerable toddlers. Hmmmmmm. Let's hope that I don't turn to the bottom of a very stiff bottle.
As daunting as these next few weeks are and as challenging as they will be I cannot help but feel completely happy at the fact that Josh and I are really truly achieving our goals, however big or small they will be and however long they take to meet. Both of us have always wanted to have our own dog, and here she is. There is something extremely satisfying and fortifying in this thought. I hope to be reminded of that daily in the coming weeks. If I can handle consistently potty training both daughter and doggie this month, without driving myself completely mad, I am pretty sure I could handle anything and everything. At the very least I should earn a great reward in the future----maybe a date night? A diamond ring perhaps? A girl can dream....
With Ember now in the family Lennon is coming into her own new challenges: vying for Mom and Dad's attention, reverting back to diapers and refusing to use the potty, etc. This girl doesn't miss a beat and is so smart she has already started blaming the puppy for her misbehavior. Then again she has also continued to blame her cousins Addy and Wyatt (who is not even born yet). With Josh and I throwing a pretty big wrench in her pleasant, easy-going routine we will have to be extra sensitive to her needs and carve out special time just for her. What perfect training for Baby #2! Right?
Thank goodness Ember has taken to our home well. We have encountered the usual hiccups with owning a new puppy, but the accidents are few and far between. She loves to cuddle! Finally a daughter who will let me cuddle her! She of course loves to nap and she loves dragging around her stuffed squirrel, which I hope will be good practice for future back-yard squirrel hunting. She gets up frequently during the night, whining for company and a potty break. Josh has been fantastic in taking those shifts this weekend, so it hasn't affected my sleep too much and hasn't even bothered Lennon a bit. Though I am sure we will have to trade shifts during the week so as not to affect his job performance---blah-blah-blah. The thing that he is completely right about (though I hate to admit it) is what my greatest challenge will be: being firm and consistent with Ember.

Just like with Lennon, I will have to get comfortable with being firm with Ember. Ugh! It's so hard when she looks as cute as she does and being as small as she is. The little doll just melts my heart. But, just like Lennon I am sure those feelings will come and go and hopefully I can get in some good training in between my delirious love for her. I mean, I take the same stance with my Beastie Girl and she hasn't turned out bad---yet.
June 21, 2010
Potty Training is No Picnic: Part 2
Urinary tract infections aren't pleasant and as an adult when you get one, you know. This is not so when you are a 2 year old just learning how to use the potty. When you are a 2 year old just learning how to use the potty you are constantly announcing your bathroom visits to your parents. You're giving them constant updates about your, well, let's just call her Gina (pronounced Geena). Gina normally doesn't have any problems, but then halfway into the training process you start telling your parents that Gina hurts. The incessant updates begin to make your parents wonder if maybe there really is something wrong, but how to check and know that there is an issue? If your mother is Tawnie Wong, you Google it. And this is where I found out that potty training may make you act like an insane person, but suspecting that your daughter has a U.T.I truly makes you a lunatic of a person.
I have done things that I never thought I would ever have---or would ever---want to do all because I am now a mother and it all began with Googling Toddler U.T.Is. Thank the Lord I decided to opt out on looking at the picture portions of my "research". I am ashamed to admit that I followed Google's advice and promptly began taking at home urine samples, inspecting that urine and even, yes it's true, getting up close and personal with Lennon's friend Gina (and it is here that you should be glad I am not providing too much detail). After all my efforts all signs pointed to something being amiss with poor little Gina. Finally I could warrant calling the doctor (God forbid that I actually listen to my intuition and do that to begin with).
Of course our pediatrician wanted to see us right away and I promptly got an appointment. Being the "always be prepared" type mother that I am I of course had a few questions to get answered prior to our appointment. Would Lennon need to give the Doctor a fresh urine sample? Yes. So keep her extremely hydrated. Would the doctor be extracting this sample via a catheter? No. Not unless Lennon could not give one in the course of our appointment, and since she is doing so well potty training this shouldn't be a problem. Riiiiight.....
I am very blessed to have a daughter who loves going to the doctor. This could be because she has a hypochondriac for a mother, but I choose to think it's because she has an inkling to be in a medical profession (preferably a high paid, highly recommended and highly lauded surgeon). So getting Lennon to the doctor is never ever an issue. She loves showing off at the doctor's office to all the receptionists, nurses and pediatricians. She loves asking questions about the medical tools. She is even a fabulous listener and follows all the doctor's and nurse's directions. This day, however, was not just any other day.
Lennon refused to follow any of my or the doctor's directions. She flipped her lid at every tool the doctor brought out and cried bloody murder if it came so much as a foot away from her. No sticker and no treat could pry my kid's will. Then came the request for a urine sample. Well, to cut to the chase--after almost 25 minutes of clawing, scratching, wiggling and screaming in the bathroom and generally refusing to let her pee go, as my hand searched for just one drop of pee to put in the cup, she pees (and probably out of sheer terror since I hit a new low and began threatening her). Where does the small bit of pee she was willing to let go end up going? Down my arm. As I tried to pool some of this "sample" into the sterilized cup this was the one and only time I ever wished to have a son. The two of us then left the restroom covered in three major bodily fluids: tears, sweat and urine (I brought most of the urine).
As we broke free from our toileted prison I got "the look" from all the nurses. You know "the look". It's a look of dogged pity and harsh criticism combined. Pity for Lennon and criticism for me. Poor Sweet Lennon on the one hand, and Evil Pee Extractor Lady on the other. Then the cherry on top of this shitty sundae: Lennon did not provide ENOUGH pee to test. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! So, what do they ask me to do? I must stay and coax the pee out of her for as long as it takes. Uh-uh, no way, no how. Catheter? Nope, that may make the situation worse by traumatizing her more. So now my punishment for my past deeds is to lock myself in a bathroom with my toddler and make her pee into a cup, providing she give enough pee to put in said cup. Where's Daddy when you really need him??
Thank the Lord there was one light at the end of this tunnel: Grandma Sweet's house. Grandma Sweet's house is right around the way from our pediatrician's office and of course Lennon loves, loves, loves, Grandma Sweet's house. It's a house full of fun, constant attention and treats. The perfect place to potty. I was able to convince the staff to give me a pee package to go: 1 sterile swab, 1 sterilized cup complete with Lennon's name on the label and 1 bio-hazard bag. We are allowed to go to Grandma's, a relaxing and pleasant environment, package in hand and collect Lennon's sample there.
It only took about a half hour of Uncle Cody (age 6) to make Lennon laugh, Grandma supplying a constant supply of drinking water/bribes and my hand crushed beneath Lennon's rear and in a toilet to collect a full and adequate sample. A sample which I quickly ran to back to the office, only to be re-routed to the Hospital's Lab. With all the money we pay for insurance and money given directly to the pediatrician's office, I had to deliver the sample to the lab myself. Oh motherhood! How I love thee!
Now the really funny thing about this story is that Lennon's lab results were inconclusive. She had a higher level of abnormal cells in her urine, which COULD indicate an infection but not such a high level of abnormal cells that indicate a full infection. You may be asking yourselves, so what does that mean? Well my friends, that means I had to experience this all over again!
Two year olds are twice the fun!
Labels:
Beastie,
Doctor Visits,
Grandma Sweet,
Potty Training,
UTIs
June 7, 2010
Potty Training Is No Picnic!: Part 1
Yesterday was the official start date of potty training Lennon and my-oh-my was it a loooong day. Thank goodness Josh and I were both home to kick it off because having another set of hands was essential.
I suppose I am self inflicting this torture all other parents and child rearing experts call "Potty Training". I mean it's not like Lennon can't still wear diapers, they're somewhat fashionable and they'd keep the boys away at 16, right? I am just so ready to stop spending money on the damn things and I wonder if I completely lost my mind. Yes, I have succumbed to some pressure from the peanut gallery. Everyone has an opinion of course, and if Lennon ever wants to attend preschool the diapers need to be dumped. But there has to be an easier way to go about potty training without feeling like a complete crazy, hermit-like woman covered in pee, poo, stickers and M&Ms.
You hear about girls being easy to potty train (apparently I was one of these girls), but honestly I don't think that's the case. At least it isn't the case with our delightfully head strong, independent daughter. No amount of pretty panties and treats will coerce her into thinking that her diapers aren't the bees knees. She would prefer to "go" in them and sit in it; she'd prefer to layer her panties over her diapers, and since she is a younger toddler the concept of getting fantastic cash and prizes or the privilege of going to preschool is way over her head. Or is it? I swear she is just too smart for any kind of cajoling and she secretly knows that I am desperate for her to be out of diapers so she chooses to wet and shit herself on purpose just to spite me. I mean sheesh! What kinda lady is she?! A girl not into pretty panties? Apparently I have not set a good example of how lovely it is to wear pretty and fresh lingerie. Note to self: Start wearing my underwear around the house more often.
After much discussion and reading of potty training materials Josh and I decided that for the first week of Official Potty Training we (and I use the word we very loosely since I am obviously the one who is home more) would aggressively potty train and stay home for a week, letting Lennon be naked so that she could get used to and understand her "potty signals". I was all gung-ho with this plan---that is until two days in. By Tuesday I was seriously considering my sanity and wondering if I would have to booze it up for the majority of my days just to get through potty training. Yes, it was much easier for Lennon to understand her signals while being naked and that actually worked better than letting her roam around the house in panties, which she treated just like a diaper anyway. The hiccup however is never leaving your home. The farthest Lennon and I ventured was to the porch to collect the mail. I suppose if we had a bigger house I wouldn't have felt this cabin fever until later in the week, but seeing as how we have a house of smaller size I lost it by mid-week. It took talking with my girlfriend over once gargantuan margarita to decide that this method may have been working for Lennon, but that it was not working for me and that now was the perfect time for me to be selfish. By the end of the week I nixed the no going out of the house plan and decided to ease up and try and take a more relaxing approach to potty training. I tried to go with the flow, I handled each challenge one by one and I invested in a lot of M&Ms, hand soap, Clorox wipes and laundry detergent (I should have really invested in a washer woman since poo and panties really do not mix).
All in all I have to say that I am sure the beginning of our potty training could have gone a lot worse, at least that's what I am continuing to telling myself. It only took Lennon a week to start going to the potty without Josh and I having to constantly remind her, but then of course karma/God/the-powers-that-be chose to rear their ugly heads and put me in my place for getting all excited about our progress. Da-da-da-daaaa!: The UTI scare.
June 6, 2010
Hiatus, Hiatus, How I Hate This.
So if anyone actually reads this smut they may have noticed the lack of blogging for the past month or so. Well, it's called life people. Be glad that I am living it. Be sad that now that I am out of school for the summer I won't have one. Which means--da-da-da-duh!!!!!--I will have plenty of time to blog! Aren't you feeling lucky?
Believe me, I was itching to write some sort of tidbit here. Unfortunately, I am a nerd and according to Josh a "major brown noser" which means that school became a bigger priority than blogging---I suppose I had time to Facebook (is that a verb?) but let's not rub salt in the wound. Since summer has officially arrived and the summer weather is bound to catch up sooner or later I will have a plethora of things to write about, therefore you, my dear reader, will have plenty of things to read about.
My list of summer goals may seem daunting and over-thought but I assure you they will provide endless hours of writing material. So please look forward to hearing more about them. They include (in no particular order):
- Getting over my "irrational" fear of ants. (That "irrational" is provided by Josh, but if you ask me, my fear is very, very rational.)
- Mastering the art of gardening and tending that garden.
- Potty training Lennon.
- Being a first time dog owner---which includes potty training a dog. Yikes! What am I thinking?
- Whipping my ass into some semblance of a shape that doesn't resemble a dumpling.
- Reading and reading and reading and reading and reading some more.
- To get back to sketching and painting.
- Painting the trim and molding within the house.
- Painting the book shelves in the living room.
- To camp---and I a mean really camp. No bathrooms, no showers, no air mattresses and absolutely no whining. (Let's hope the ticks don't eat me alive before the rattle snakes do!)
- To spend more time with the friends that matter most to me. It's been far too long and you know who you are---and you're probably not reading this.
- To put myself out there more and enjoy life.
- Oh! And establishing world peace.
April 21, 2010
Whiny Wednesday
Why do I always have to be "the Frog" in Lennon's game of "Princess and the Frog"? Some days Mommy would like to be the princess too.
April 20, 2010
A Poem for Today
Dew
As neatly as peas
in their green canoe,
as discreetly as beads
strung in a row,
sit drops of dew
along a blade of grass.
But unattached and
subject to their weight,
they slip if they accumulate.
Down the green tongue
out of the morning sun
into the general damp,
they're gone.
~Kay Ryan, U.S. Poet Laureate
April 19, 2010
Family Fun

This past weekend Josh and I temporarily added a new addition to our family: Mr. Iggy Pug Manley. We thought it would be great practice to dog-sit for my best friend Clair since we are hoping to officially add to our family this summer. Yep, that's right folks--Josh and I have finally grown up. This time around we are planning for our newest baby, all 20lbs of slobbery, furry goodness. We'll be sure to send out a birth announcement when we hear that the insemination took.
Anywho....While Clair spent a fun-filled weekend with her female family members we welcomed Iggy into our home. It certainly didn't take much time for Iggy to make himself comfortable. He proceeded to to snuggle up on the couch while chewing his favorite ball. Oh-but little did he know that this was no vacation for him with Beastie lurking just around the corner.
Lennon was ecstatic to have Iggy for a two-night sleepover. Anytime there is a living creature smaller than her to boss around she's on cloud nine. With Lennon around Iggy was in constant motion and on high alert. He became her personal puppy puppet. Lennon has mastered many sentences since Iggy came to stay, including: "NO IGGY STOP!", "Iggy come here!", "Iggy go potty!" and "Good boy, Iggy." Poor Baby Reese was chucked out of her place of honor in the doll stroller and Iggy proudly took her place--if only I was able to capture it all on camera! Of course these two toddlers quickly became partners in crime. Whenever there was dead silence we were sure to find Lennon and Iggy getting into massive amounts of mischief. My poor flowers will never bloom again.
Having Iggy over has certainly opened my eyes to juggling two small, semi-helpless creatures. I don't know how mothers with several children or multiples do it. Keeping track of the two of them was a challenge. Josh found this out the hard way while trying to take Iggy, Lennon, Uncle Cody and Uncle Randy out for a walk. Then again he was over reaching with thinking he could wrangle 4 youngins' by himself.
But over all it was a pleasant experience (the 3 of us haven't gone on that many walks in one day in I don't know how long) and I think we are very ready to expand our brood come this summer. That gives us a few months to train Lennon on how to scoop up poop. I mean, if she's going to be so averse to potty training, keeping herself in diapers, the least she can do is clean up after an other's crap. They say you shouldn't push your kids too hard but....
Mommy Guilt Monday
Lately I have been dreaming of week long vacations without my darling daughter. It seems absolutely bonkers to think that a year ago I could barely tear myself away from her. My how times have changed.
Motherhood is the greatest adventure....but I have a suspicious feeling that sun bathing in the South of France may be better.
April 15, 2010
Tell All Thursday
There is nothing wrong with having 1 beer during nap time, right? I mean, I did chase it with a bottle of Belvedere vodka*.
*Things I've learned from Chelsea Lately: What vodka to drink and how to make a joke.
Labels:
Chelsea Lately,
Tell All Confessions
April 14, 2010
Whiny Wednesday

How could someone this cute be so evil?
Well let's just start by stating the obvious: This is a less than flattering photo of me. I'm looking all sorts of lumpy, schlumpadinka Mommy. Makeover anyone??!! Sigh--Okay the hard part's over.
Above is a picture of one of those moments in your life when everything seems peachy keen. Mother and daughter are posing oh-so-adorably right before Easter Sunday service. Little does the on-looker know that underneath that mother's predetermined smile there is a strong will that urges her to eat her young (if only 2 times a week) and that underneath her daughter's perfect "CHEESE" is a demon waiting to be unleashed. Case in point: Today's Events.
Today started like any other day. I rose out of bed at the butt-crack-of-dawn--or what other's like to call 7am--slowly waking up by curling up on the couch and checking my e-mail. I gave Josh a kiss goodbye and wished him a good day at work like the perfect little woman. Lennon actually sleeps in (okay, I should have known from this odd turn of events that today would be unlike any other), rises with smiles and kisses ready to start her day. Sounds great so far, right? Well it was....until the demon residing in my 2 year old decided to burst out of her like something out of the Exorcist.
Since I am trying to block out today from my memory what happened next is a bit fuzzy. It may have had something to do with her new DVD "The Princess and the Frog" and her Barbies. All I can remember is that a new type of temper/tantrum/eruption of emotion exploded from my child, which resulted in me having to perform the Vulcan death grip around her entire body until she could stop scratching every inch of my exposed skin (not to mention some of hers) and calm down. What happened to my angel baby?
After this ridiculous episode it was time to load up and head on over to Grandma Sweet's in Corvallis so Mommy could attend at scholarship workshop. Sounds so responsible, doesn't it? WRONG!!! The first 20 minutes or so of the car ride were like any other: a constant cacophony of commotion in the backseat, that is generally entertaining. But somewhere outside of Monmouth, near mile post 68, the demon decided now was the perfect time to rear its ugly head. Any and all sharp objects begin being chucked directly at me! Books, Barbies, fairy wands, hair ties and hair clips, shoes and socks. AHHHH!!! WHILE I AM DRIVING! Then the demon begins to scream bloody murder, as if she is being scrubbed down from head to toe with a pumice stone. Why, you may ask? Just cause. So what do I do? I try to contain the situation as best I can while continuing to drive.
Mother's all over the world understand the move that I had then chosen to administer. It involves a steady speed, one hand on the wheel as your other arm is contorted in such a way as to reach into the back of your car to discipline and/or appease your child in any way possible. Well, unfortunately I did not administer this move under standard regulations. I forgot the steady speed part. I was so distracted (I know, HORRIBLE excuse) by the surprising demon antics of my once sweet and darling girl that I continued to stretch my foot to the accelerator and press down--hard. I was just trying to keep up a steady momentum when a hill slowly starts to rise and fall, catapulting my car up to 70-ish (ALLEGEDLY!). By the time I noticed my speed and had composed my toddler the po-lice are hot on my tail.
Now, I am not emotionally capable of being pulled over by an officer of the law. I'll be honest: I have authority issues. I very much dislike disappointing my superiors. This includes cops. Let's forget for a moment that my once demon-like child is now cooing from the backseat, blatantly flirting with Officer What's-His-Name (I don't know who taught her that). I am sitting in the front seat just trying to hold it all together. I am trying to act like a composed, responsible mother as I answer his questions and provide the necessary paper work. Meanwhile, Little Miss Sunshine is rattling off all sorts of questions and doing everything possible to get on the officer's good side. Of course, her efforts are wasted. I get cited and fined $190.
I want to make this clear: I did not cry....at least not in front of the officer. I waited till he drove off, then I immediately had an emotional breakdown like every other normal woman on the planet. I did not make excuses for myself. So why was I deliriously drenched in my own ocular fluid? Because I inadvertently endangered my child and was deathly afraid of Josh's reaction. God forbid I EVER put my child at risk again or disappoint Josh. Catholic Guilt anyone?
Long story short--if I can even say that--not a good day. Not the worst day, but not a good day. I love my daughter with every fiber of my being, but damn it that girl needs to work on her flirting. Next time she better seal the deal and get Mommy out of a ticket!
Labels:
5-0,
Beastie,
Demons,
Whiny Wednesday
April 12, 2010
Today's Meditation
After my tirade on house cleaning and the like, I thought this would be appropriate.
"I really love to clean. It's not anything compulsive, it's just that you can see a difference when you're through. Not like raising kids or something that you're not sure how it's going to turn out for a couple of decades."
~Jill Churchill, Farewell to Yarns
Mommy Guilt Monday
I let my daughter cry it out today. We were both sooo desperate for nap time (maybe I was a bit more so). Apparently a weekend at Mimi's house trips up your first day back at home and back on your regular schedule. I always feel guilty about "the cry it out method" and I suppose every one's idea of what this entails is different. But no matter what way you look at it, it always hurts to hear your baby cry--no matter how old they get. Yet you have to give in to the pain before you reach the sublime. Ahhhh peace, quiet and at least 45 minutes of uninterrupted time to get stuff done---or make a blog entry.
April 8, 2010
Tell All Thursday
I lied to Josh for the very first time today. To be fair--it was a little, teeny, tiny white lie (he agrees with this statement). Of course it wasn't worth lying about and I feel awful about it. Lesson learned.
April 7, 2010
Poem for Today
Spring is like a perhaps hand
by e.e. cummings
Spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully
out of Nowhere) arranging
a window, into which people look (while
people stare
arranging and changing placing
carefully there a strange
thing and a known thing here) and
changing everything carefully
spring is like a perhaps
Hand in a window
(carefully to
and fro moving New and
Old things, while
people stare carefully
moving a perhaps
fraction of flower here placing
an inch of air there) and
without breaking anything.
April 6, 2010
Poem for Today
Spring
by Kay Ryan
Winter, like a set opinion
is routed. What gets it out?
The imposition of some external season,
or some internal doubt?
I see the yellow maculations spread
across bleak hills of what I said
I'd always think; a stippling of white
upon the grey; a pink the shade
of what I said I'd never say.
Toddler Tuesday

"What, Mom?" or "The Calm Before the Storm"
Thank heaven for little girls. For little girls get bigger every day....I sometimes cannot believe that I---ME!---have a 2 year old daughter. This never ceases to amaze me. There are days where I wonder if I could ever love something or someone else as much as I love her. Then, honestly, there are other days where I wonder if there will ever come a day when I will get to enjoy myself with wild abandon like I did in the days when I didn't wear the label of "Mommy". On those days--and they are few and far between---I look at this picture and see that my little girl, my baby, will grow up all too soon and that I should cherish these moments of young motherhood.
There will come a day when she will not want to raid my closet and abhors absolutely everything I wear. There will come a day when she will drive off into the sunset on a date with the boy she swears she'll marry (no matter how much her father protests that she will NEVER date). There will come a day when she beams with pride at the fact that she conquered her very own obstacles and follows her own dreams. Finally, there will come a day when she will truly understand what it means to walk in her mother's shoes, and OH how I will relish that day! The day her very own little Beastie rips through her closet, tornadoes across the house, all objects within reach being flung behind her with wild abandon, as she uses her Easter basket grass as confetti and screams at the top of her lungs: "NO MAMA! NO MAMA! BACK UP!"
April 5, 2010
Mommy Guilt Monday
Ugh. I feel so awful about not biting this bullet sooner---Potty Training. Just one of the many Mommy Guilt moments I have had since Lennon turned 1, and yes, she is now 2.
I spent too much time being wishy-washy on the decision to potty train, When is it the right time to potty train?---When will she be ready to potty train?---If I start too early what will happen?---What happens if I start too late?, I read every book I got could get my hands on, I listened to all the advice and then of course I went against my gut feelings: I should have started aggressively (in the nicest sense of the word) potty training Lennon as soon as she turned 1. C'est la vie. Lesson learned. I WILL NEVER GO AGAINST MY MOMMY GUT FEELINGS AGAIN!
March 31, 2010
Whiny Wednesday
Does everyone else hate housework as much as I do? Does anyone hate housework but also hates having their house even the tiniest bit untidy? I know, I know, you can't be anal retentive about cleanliness if you refuse to clean. You say it's just not possible. I assure you that it IS possible.
I have dreams of my house being immaculate. A place for everything and everything in its place. Ohhhhh...I am sighing at the thought of it even as I write this. Now I won't get started on my home and its lack of decor, matching furniture and its general state of not being....well, finished. You work with what you've got, and what we've got is a lot compared to some families so I am certainly thankful. But I can't for the life of me begin to make my house look the way I want it to, even with the items we already have. Then on top of all that there's the cleaning. Well, I know I am not the only woman in the world who makes a good go of making sure their house is neat and tidy everyday. As we all know it rarely stays that way. Kids, spouses, the dust that refuses to remove itself from every teeny-tiny nook and cranny; all of these things refuse to keep your home looking the way you feel that it should be. It's an endless, vicious cycle.
You may be asking as I rant and rave: How do I want my house? Well....inviting, warm, kid-friendly, and just homey I guess. Do I dare say that I would like it to look like it came out of a Pottery Barn catalog? Well, maybe not just the Pottery Barn catalog...But I can never seem to get that overall feeling. I feel stuck. I feel stuck between my college apartment and my "adult home". It's decorating and financial purgatory. I am ready to finally take control over my own space and make it my own, but as a young mother in a young family the money just does not seem to trickle down to those needs--I mean, wants. I want to feel pride as I walk through my front door, not defeat. I'm not asking my house to be the envy of the neighborhood.
So what to do?
Give up....for now at least. I have chosen to keep my castle in the sky image of an immaculate adult home in my mind as I concede to the mismatched furniture, the toys that permeate every piece of floor space, the never-ending dust bunnies, crumbs, and piles of who-knows-what. I remind myself that I have a roof over my head and a happy, healthy, loving family and that I want to spend my time enjoying that family. Which makes my home a home--maybe not one from the Pottery Barn catalog or Martha Stewart Living, but that's okay. Is it wrong to envy Martha Stewart or the Pottery Barn catalogs and secretly dream that your home look exactly like the one in the pictures? No. Is it possible to have your home look like the one in the pictures? Sure, but do I really want to drive myself crazy over how clean my house is and whether or not I have the most admired furnishings? No. I'm busy enough as it is trying to keep my toddler alive on a daily basis, my guy happy and myself from imploding over what ever daily catastrophe has popped up. I mean it's not like my house is a deathtrap. At least the State hasn't deemed it as such---yet.
PS: If you're Josh and you're reading this---I LOVE YOU. My incoherent verbal diarrhea is in no way shape or form a criticism of you and your title as "The Provider". You work hard day in and day out to help this family succeed and "The Management" is most thankful and appreciative. If you have any complaints next week's Whiny Wednesday is reserved just for you.
March 30, 2010
Toddler Tuesday
What was meant to be a rainy day project just for Lennon turned into---well, a Mommy and Me project (more emphasis on the Mommy than the Me). Lennon certainly had her own fun with Mimi's most recent "forgotten birthday gift", but she would have rather moved her new toy around the house all day than actually color on it like it was intended to be used. I guess it didn't help that Mommy refused to share the colors or let her color on the same areas. Ahhhh, the joys of being a toddler...again. Oh well, it killed about an hour that day and at least 30 minutes a day for the rest of the week.









March 29, 2010
Mommy Guilt Monday
I let Lennon spend her Easter money from Gamma on a trip to Red Robin for "boo-gahs" and a Care Bear Bubble Toy (which didn't work, even after we exchanged it!), when the money should have been put into her savings account.
March 22, 2010
March 18, 2010
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